The New Self

Most people that I know, in some way or another, are dissatisfied with how they look. I have been there too. At two points in my life, I had become distraught enough over my physical appearance to do something about it.
The first time I tried to get fit, I was in my early twenties, and I was supercharged to succeed. My mission was to be big and buff. I joined a city gym that was popular for spitting out more Golden Glove contenders than offspring from the Octomom. The place smelled like sweat through and through. This gym was host to some of the fittest people around town. I felt it was the best place for an up and coming bodybuilding superstar. I had ambition to see big changes. I trained threes days a week for two years. I ate massive amounts of food. I even ate raw eggs like Rocky Balboa (Yuck!). I gave myself daily pep talks. Day in and day out, I did these things to get bigger and stronger. Eventually though, I quit working out. I quit eating all the food, I quit giving myself pep talks, and I never became that superstar. The reason I quit altogether is that I felt that, inside and out, I was the same as I was two years prior. I had done all this work and spent money on food and supplements to get minimal results. I was still the same guy. I expected some type of revolutionary change. The revolution never came. For the twelve years that followed, I simply did not care to spend any time worrying about my health or physique.
A few years ago, I finally forced myself to get back to a gym and start working out. At the time, I wasn’t all that into it…I just didn’t feel like any hard work in the gym would amount to anything. However, I was paying for the membership, so I thought that I might as well get my money’s worth. I went to the gym and played with some weights, along with some cardio machines, and then I would pose/flex like a douche-bag in front of the mirror. This pattern continued for several weeks. Then one day, I went to the gym early one morning. That week had been a troubling week for me at home and at work. I decided to just take out my frustrations on the weights. So I killed it in the gym.
While I was killing it in the gym, a gym employee spotted me for several exercises. He didn’t say much, mostly nodded and observed. At the end of my workout, after I had just brought more intensity than ever before, and when I finally had nothing left, he said to me, “That’s it bro, find the new self!”
Bent over on a bench and out of breath, I thanked him for his help.
During the following days, I could not stop thinking about what he said to me. I was trying to interpret what he meant. It eluded me. And he did too, because I never saw him in the gym again.
Is there a “new self” inside me? That seems “New Age-y”, and yeah, kind of gay. I did find something; Intensity. It made me feel incredible.
Subsequently, each day, I was in pursuit of more intensity. My diet got more intense. My mental fortitude changed intensity. My workouts delivered more intensity. I even started giving myself intense pep talks before I worked out (In my head though, because if I gave myself out loud pep talks, someone might have called the cops). I wasn’t working out to be some superstar anymore. I was trying to be the best I could be in the gym. I gave all that I had to every rep. I worked out harder each time I went to gym. I even made myself puke a couple of times.
Through these years, I found the know-how. I found the passion. I found the discipline. I definitely found…The New Self.