Have I mentioned before that I have several comrades that had their testicles removed?
It’s incredibly sad, I know. Jake had his removed at birth. John lost his in a freak accident involving a plasma TV. Jason got rid of his inadvertently because he somehow misunderstood his girlfriend’s instructions. Then there is Jerry, who realized they were missing after a weekend’s drunken stupor. Evidently, the problem does not end with the guys I just mentioned. This tragedy seems to be everywhere: at work, the gym, the barbershop, our government, The NHL and (OH CHRIST ALMIGHTY) the National Football League. I have now realized that we have a nad-zapping epidemic of catastrophic proportions. Men around me are losing their dangling badges of manhood.
The epicenter of a man’s masculinity resides in is his testicles. If they were to ever be removed, his certain doom is in the direction of pink floral patterns and sparkling mimosas. Right smack dab in downtown Wussyville. It’s all over our land…From California, to the New York Island. It’s among us: Metrosexuality, whiners, indecisive men, twist top beer bottles, DETAILS magazine, American Idol as a #1 TV show and male friggin’ mascara.
Absolutely mortifying!
As men, we can no longer allow this pattern to continue. Especially since our world depends on our masculinity in order to maintain balance in nature. It is time for us to work together on upholding our rightful position. We need to rescue our brothers (or ourselves) from the deep set wussiness that has overcome our nation. For the first two hundred years of this country’s existence, men were far more masculine than they are today. Men were certainly were not wussies. I know that if George Washington, John Adams, Andrew Jackson , or Davey Crockett could see the way men are today, they would hop on the first boat out of here. Those were the type of men that put their family first and had tremendous courage – not to mention but they had balls of steel.
So, time to grow a pair buddy!
Then…
Stand up for what’s right.
Take care of, provide for, and protect our women and children.
Lead the way towards meaningful progress.
Quit talking, quit lounging, and just do.
Be strong and face the things that you are up against.
Have courage through the perilous blows that life will throw at you.
Duck the blows you can, and take the blows if they strike you.
Accept responsibility for your behavior.
Make sure your word is your bond (as in the glue that holds you together).
Avoid indecision.
Maintain self control and composure
Show people respect.
Stop whining.
…and for Pete’s sake, can we get back to being proud citizens of the greatest country on the planet; Vote, Volunteer, and communicate with the Government.
If we continue you to let everything in this country get wussified, the example set by the founding men of this country will be for nothing.
Perhaps then we can change the name to the Wussified States of America.
Showing posts with label manliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label manliness. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, October 5, 2009
ENGAGE. INVESTIGATE. CONTEMPLATE.
Did you know that it takes seven years for swallowed gum to digest? Did you also know that you can use algorithms to predict college basketball scores and make millions? Are you aware that we only use 10% of our brains? Here is a popular one, turkey makes you sleepy. Or, how about that chocolate acne.
I imagine that at some point you have heard one of these myths, maybe all of them. If you are still performing the Heimlich on children in order to ward off a colon blowpop…stop.
My advice: Engage the proclamation. Investigate its validity. Contemplate your own thoughts and conclusions.
I know, it’s easy to accept certain proclamations as fact. Hell, I once told a slow kid at my junior high school that reading backwards helped people study better. He believed me, and tried it for several weeks…also, at nine years old I told my classmates that I was the lead singer of STYXX. Later, they realized that I did not even know the lyrics to the #1 single, Babe. Back then, I thought if you were stupid enough to believe it, then you deserve to look like an idiot. Although, later on in life, I realized giving people good and factual information is very important. We all as individuals make decisions based on what we believe is FACT. When people give me information…I engage, investigate, and contemplate.
Recently, I heard a proclamation that diet sodas can increase insulin production and cause weight gain. Really? C’mon. What is sad, is that certain individuals, that hear this sort of thing, will definitely quit drinking soda. Then they will tell friends not to drink diet soda, without ever validating the claim. Yes, basic common sense tells me that diet soda is not optimum versus water. Duh!
I love learning about nutrition, there is certainly a lot to learn. However, there are so many different interests out there that some nutritional facts get pushed out into the world based on someone filling in the blanks.
Okay, let me try one:
The number one cause of male impotence, worldwide, is _________.
Now, I will fill in the blank:
The number one cause of male impotence, worldwide, is due to prolonged sun exposure.
It doesn’t sound too ridiculous if you are the person trying to get it up and you are totally willing to stay out of the sun for the rest of your life…Thusly, when I heard that someone believed that diet soda was about to send every diabetic that drinks non-caloric soda into a coma, I had to engage.
My investigation led me to that following (beware: this is a blog, so I am not going to cite references, just go look for yourself):
A study, reported by the Journal of Nutrition on Nutritional Epidemiology, found no evidence of the claims regarding insulin. The study included 2500 subjects. They tested insulin levels on three control groups. One of the groups was a “zero calorie diet drink” group. The study concluded that insulin was not affected by diet drinks.
And the weight gain from diet soda? A study was done, but it appears someone is only reporting half of the truth on this one. Among the group of surveyed diet soda drinkers, 57% were likely to eat more calories because they were drinking a diet soda. There was correlation, but no causation…And yes, when you combine diet root beer with ice cream, it’s not the root beer that is making your ass look bigger.
As I pondered these findings, I also remembered that calories are essentially energy. Insulin, in so many words, is about energy conversion. It would be doubtful that a diabetic would risk his/her health by drinking diet soda …
Studies on nutrition are being done daily. Engage. Investigate. Contemplate
Now, excuse me, I have to go rub peanut butter on my feet. Someone told me that it helps get rid of bad breathe.
I imagine that at some point you have heard one of these myths, maybe all of them. If you are still performing the Heimlich on children in order to ward off a colon blowpop…stop.
My advice: Engage the proclamation. Investigate its validity. Contemplate your own thoughts and conclusions.
I know, it’s easy to accept certain proclamations as fact. Hell, I once told a slow kid at my junior high school that reading backwards helped people study better. He believed me, and tried it for several weeks…also, at nine years old I told my classmates that I was the lead singer of STYXX. Later, they realized that I did not even know the lyrics to the #1 single, Babe. Back then, I thought if you were stupid enough to believe it, then you deserve to look like an idiot. Although, later on in life, I realized giving people good and factual information is very important. We all as individuals make decisions based on what we believe is FACT. When people give me information…I engage, investigate, and contemplate.
Recently, I heard a proclamation that diet sodas can increase insulin production and cause weight gain. Really? C’mon. What is sad, is that certain individuals, that hear this sort of thing, will definitely quit drinking soda. Then they will tell friends not to drink diet soda, without ever validating the claim. Yes, basic common sense tells me that diet soda is not optimum versus water. Duh!
I love learning about nutrition, there is certainly a lot to learn. However, there are so many different interests out there that some nutritional facts get pushed out into the world based on someone filling in the blanks.
Okay, let me try one:
The number one cause of male impotence, worldwide, is _________.
Now, I will fill in the blank:
The number one cause of male impotence, worldwide, is due to prolonged sun exposure.
It doesn’t sound too ridiculous if you are the person trying to get it up and you are totally willing to stay out of the sun for the rest of your life…Thusly, when I heard that someone believed that diet soda was about to send every diabetic that drinks non-caloric soda into a coma, I had to engage.
My investigation led me to that following (beware: this is a blog, so I am not going to cite references, just go look for yourself):
A study, reported by the Journal of Nutrition on Nutritional Epidemiology, found no evidence of the claims regarding insulin. The study included 2500 subjects. They tested insulin levels on three control groups. One of the groups was a “zero calorie diet drink” group. The study concluded that insulin was not affected by diet drinks.
And the weight gain from diet soda? A study was done, but it appears someone is only reporting half of the truth on this one. Among the group of surveyed diet soda drinkers, 57% were likely to eat more calories because they were drinking a diet soda. There was correlation, but no causation…And yes, when you combine diet root beer with ice cream, it’s not the root beer that is making your ass look bigger.
As I pondered these findings, I also remembered that calories are essentially energy. Insulin, in so many words, is about energy conversion. It would be doubtful that a diabetic would risk his/her health by drinking diet soda …
Studies on nutrition are being done daily. Engage. Investigate. Contemplate
Now, excuse me, I have to go rub peanut butter on my feet. Someone told me that it helps get rid of bad breathe.
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