THE WUSSIFICATION OF AMERICA

Have I mentioned before that I have several comrades that had their testicles removed?

It’s incredibly sad, I know. Jake had his removed at birth. John lost his in a freak accident involving a plasma TV. Jason got rid of his inadvertently because he somehow misunderstood his girlfriend’s instructions. Then there is Jerry, who realized they were missing after a weekend’s drunken stupor. Evidently, the problem does not end with the guys I just mentioned. This tragedy seems to be everywhere: at work, the gym, the barbershop, our government, The NHL and (OH CHRIST ALMIGHTY) the National Football League. I have now realized that we have a nad-zapping epidemic of catastrophic proportions. Men around me are losing their dangling badges of manhood.

The epicenter of a man’s masculinity resides in is his testicles. If they were to ever be removed, his certain doom is in the direction of pink floral patterns and sparkling mimosas. Right smack dab in downtown Wussyville. It’s all over our land…From California, to the New York Island. It’s among us: Metrosexuality, whiners, indecisive men, twist top beer bottles, DETAILS magazine, American Idol as a #1 TV show and male friggin’ mascara.

Absolutely mortifying!

As men, we can no longer allow this pattern to continue. Especially since our world depends on our masculinity in order to maintain balance in nature. It is time for us to work together on upholding our rightful position. We need to rescue our brothers (or ourselves) from the deep set wussiness that has overcome our nation. For the first two hundred years of this country’s existence, men were far more masculine than they are today. Men were certainly were not wussies. I know that if George Washington, John Adams, Andrew Jackson , or Davey Crockett could see the way men are today, they would hop on the first boat out of here. Those were the type of men that put their family first and had tremendous courage – not to mention but they had balls of steel.

So, time to grow a pair buddy!
Then…

Stand up for what’s right.
Take care of, provide for, and protect our women and children.
Lead the way towards meaningful progress.
Quit talking, quit lounging, and just do.
Be strong and face the things that you are up against.
Have courage through the perilous blows that life will throw at you.
Duck the blows you can, and take the blows if they strike you.
Accept responsibility for your behavior.
Make sure your word is your bond (as in the glue that holds you together).
Avoid indecision.
Maintain self control and composure
Show people respect.
Stop whining.
…and for Pete’s sake, can we get back to being proud citizens of the greatest country on the planet; Vote, Volunteer, and communicate with the Government.

If we continue you to let everything in this country get wussified, the example set by the founding men of this country will be for nothing.
Perhaps then we can change the name to the Wussified States of America.